Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Whew, it's been over a month since I last posted!! Not that there's been many a night shift where I've though about opening up the blogger page.... but then a new patient has arrived, or a nurse has barged in and demanded immediate attention, or somesuch. Such is the ICU.
The PICU tonight was a sad place when I left. Another two year old (they are always 2 or 3) had been found face down in a pool, and resuscitated so there was a heartbeat, but no evidence of brain function. The family realised quickly what that meant. They were sobbing away their hope beside the bed as his little life ebbed away. One of the grandparents asked my boss how he could bear to do his job and see such things, day after day.
It's a common enough conversation in the ICU. Strangely enough, though I have indeed lost my nerve a few times - usually when withdrawal of care or organ donation needs to be mentioned - I do enjoy my time in the ICU. Apart from the academic challenge - working out what is going on and what the best course of action is - it is a rare opportunity to form a direct bond with the family - often the relatives are who you can help the most. I also marvel at the ICU consultants' ability to keep fighting for patient's lives, long after the rest of us have lost reasonable hope. When the odds are stacked thousands to one against, when all medical reasoning says you should stop, the ICU consultant is still trying to see that one last chance. And it seems to me that that is what every patient- and their family - needs - someone who will fight to the last.
Ben
Tiny yellow body
all belly
garlanded by rattle-horses
still at last.
A lock of fair hair
in a book,
a blue box of sparkles
smudged with tears.
Machines grouped silently
behemoths now still
waiting for a new call
to arms.
Piokiwi 1:36 am
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